Supporting the needs of brothers and sisters

When a child or young person is in the care of Martin House, our support goes beyond their needs to encompass the whole family. Parents, as the primary carers of their child, rely on the breaks at the hospice and the access to 24/7 medical support that we offer. But we pay special attention to the needs of brothers and sisters of the child under our care as well.

Sibling support matters

They face unique challenges. Just like their parents, they may be affected by frequently disrupted nights, but they still have to keep up the routine of school.

As the household may necessarily revolve around their sibling’s care and medical routines, it might be hard for them to have sleepovers or friends for tea. Sometimes they might have to miss out on parties or big events if their sibling is vulnerable and at risk of chest infections, for example.

Their lives can also be uncertain – if their sibling becomes unwell during the day, they may only find out when an aunt or grandparent picks them up from school. In lots of ways, their lives are very different from their friends.

A chance to be a family

So at Martin House, we work with families to give brothers and sisters both support and an outlet when they need it. Stays for the whole family are a real break – and that includes brothers and sisters. We have so many things for them to do, it can be like a holiday for them. But they also value the time it gives them with their family, which is so different to their normal routines.

It also gives them the opportunity to meet other families and other siblings, which can help them to understand that they are not alone, and there are other children in the same situation as them.

The power of sibling connection

So that’s why we also run regular sibling connection days – these are days for brothers and sisters of the child in our care, as well as bereaved families. It’s not about talking about their situation – knowing they are under the umbrella of Martin House is enough for them to know that everyone understands.

Instead, this is time for them – we organise all kinds of activities and trips. In the last year we’ve had a Taylor Swift tribute act, organised visits to William’s Den and Stockeld Park, designed and built Santa’s workshops, done pottery classes, we’ve even been mascots at Harrogate Town Football Club.

Care when it matters most

In addition to the connection days, which usually take place in the school holidays, I also work with brothers and sisters on a one-to-one basis when they need more emotional support. When a child is referred, we’ll work with parents first, to understand their concerns and expectations, and we’ll also get consent to speak to their child’s school as well, to see what existing support networks they have in place.

Sometimes our role might be supporting and empowering parents and schools in that moment with their child, but in other cases we’ll do some sessions with their child. With younger children we use journaling and activities a lot, or use stories, whereas for older children it’s about giving them a space to talk. In all cases it’s about helping them find ways to be resilient, manage their emotions and feelings, and supporting them in finding ways to communicate.

Having a child with a serious and life-shortening condition impacts the whole family, including brothers and sisters, so it’s vitally important to us that we provide support that encompasses every family member, when they need it most.

Zoe Pickup
Family support practitioner, sibling lead